Movie Reviews of the 2014 Oscar Best Picture Nominees

Hi everyone! It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything, but I’m back just in time for the Oscars! Below are my thoughts on all the movies (except Nebraska) nominated for Best Picture ranked from worst to best.

8 – CAPTAIN PHILLIPS
This is without a doubt my least favorite of all the Oscar nominees. It’s directed by Paul Greengrass (The Bourne films, United 93) so you know it’s going to be a good movie. And it  is. And you also know it will have a lot of shaky camerawork — which I hate. I just HATE, HATE, HATE shakycam. I don’t get headaches easily like some people, but I would prefer to watch something that didn’t look like the cameraman was masturbating furiously while shooting it. Screw you, Paul Greengrass! And get a tripod, dickhead.

7 – AMERICAN HUSTLE
This is a “meh” movie. It’s entertaining and all, but it’s not a movie I’ll remember in five years. Actually, I’ve almost forgotten what it was about. So what was it about? Something to do with Christian Bale’s fat beer belly? Amy Adams’ annoying British accent and her pleasant cleavage? Jennifer Lawrence’s equally impressive cleavage? Bradley Cooper doing something something . . . ?

Ahh, who gives a fuck. It’s the movie equivalent of those celeb gossip magazines you read while waiting at the doctor’s.

6 – PHILOMENA
Steve Coogan and Judi Dench absolutely nail their performances in this film about Irish nuns selling people’s babies back in the 50s. It’s sad, funny, and ultimately, a very moving story based on real events. When you’re not moved to tears, you’ll be laughing because Coogan’s a funny dude.

5 – DALLAS BUYERS CLUB
Matthew McConaughey. Matthew McConaughey. Matthew McConaughey. He absolutely deserves the Oscar. When you see how much weight he lost for the movie — his skinny thighs and chicken legs — you realize: “Holy fuck! That is skinny! And not thin like a catwalk-type stick figure, probably even be thinner than that. It couldn’t have been healthy.”

As for the movie, it’s like Schindler’s List, but instead of Jews, you have AIDS-affected people. It is one of only three movies from 2013 that truly moved me to tears without being sentimental (the other two being Philomena and 12 Years a Slave).

4 – HER
Is it possible to love a computer — or more precisely — an operating system? If so, is it possible to have sex with an operating system? That question sounds fucked up — but this movie proves that when your operating system is voiced by the irresistible Scarlett Johansson — you won’t hesitate to ponder that question. Her is also my pick for Best Original Screenplay. It really deserves it.

3 – THE WOLF OF WALL STREET
Sex. Drugs. Money. Sex. Drugs. Money. Orgies. Drugs. Jonah Hill’s penis. Drugs. Sex. Drugs. Money. Masturbation. Yes, the lifestyle of a Wall Street stockbroker. But what’s the point of it all? Why watch this? Is it okay to enjoy all these scenes of sex and drugs knowing that a lot of people actually got fucked over in real life for this movie to be made? Yes. That’s the crucial aspect of it — you must enjoy it.

Without spoiling the movie, the genius of this movie is very subtly made apparent in the very last scene. It may go over most people’s head completely, but for the ones who do get it, you’ll understand why The Wolf of Wall Street is an important and must-see film.

2 – 12 YEARS A SLAVE
I’ve talked quite a bit about the movie here. But I’ll repeat myself anyway because it deserves it. I can’t think of a bad thing about the movie, except maybe . . . it’s not long enough? That’s how good the movie is. I hope it wins Best Picture at the Oscars tomorrow.

1 – GRAVITY
Easily my favorite movie of the year. This is the kind of movie giant cinema screens were made for. What else can be said about it? Well, it features some of the most dazzling sequences of beauty and destruction ever! How would I sum up Gravity in one word? WOW! 

And the other nominee? Nebraska? Yeah, I haven’t gotten around to it yet lol

Thanks for reading!

Feel free to follow me on Twitter and tweet me:
Follow @Tuan_Ho444
And I always follow back!

Until next time, something wonderful awaits!

MOVIE REVIEW THREESOME: American Hustle, The Book Thief, 12 Years A Slave

Hi everyone! I’m here with some more short movie reviews since I can’t seem to make any progress on my novel in this shitty 44 degree (111 Fahrenheit) weather here in Australia. Also, 12 Years A Slave is simply a masterpiece.

AMERICAN HUSTLE

Remember him in American Psycho?

The best thing about this movie is the acting. Christian Bale has this hilarious comb over and pot belly that makes him likeable even though he’s a criminal. It’s his performance along with Amy Adams, Jennifer Lawrence, and Bradley Cooper that makes the movie fun to watch. The movie’s won quite a few “Best Film of 2013” awards, but I don’t think it deserves it. It’s entertaining, but ultimately, very very forgettable.

MOVIE REVIEW THREESOME: The Hobbit 2, Frozen, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

Hi everyone! I’m still enjoying my Christmas/New Year’s break and haven’t really gotten my writing/blogging mojo back just yet—but I wanted to post something in case people thought I got eaten by a shark or something.

So what have I been doing recently? Just watching a shitload of movies.

THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG

Peter Jackson directing what is easily the best sequence of the whole movie: the barrel escape.

I’m a huge fan of the Lord of the Rings movies (I own 33 discs worth of the trilogy) and these Hobbit movies just ain’t living up to the LOTR standard. They’re good, but just not great. And with this second Hobbit film, you really notice how little plot there is as they did after all—stretch a 200-300 page book into three movies. Money-grabbing at its finest!

MY RATING: 8/10

MOVIE REVIEW: Ender’s Game

Hi everyone! I watched Ender’s Game this weekend and was not happy with the movie at all!

ENDER’S GAME

The problem with the movie is that it’s not a movie—it’s simply a series of scenes—and this method of storytelling doesn’t work for two hours straight.

Here’s what director and screenwriter Gavin Hood (now on my Hollywood blacklist) did: he simply copied and pasted the book into screenplay format without elaborating or extending any scenes to give them more depth. Instead, everything is overly condensed, which fucks up the entire movie.

The movie feels like it’s been sped up. Like at the start of a TV show: “Here’s what you missed on last week’s episode”. Overall, it feels rushed.

There’s also almost zero character development. You never get any sense of Ender’s genius side, the pain and isolation he goes through, and just about about every other human emotion. It’s all sterile and empty. You really couldn’t give a fuck if Earth gets destroyed by the buggers.

If the movie was strictly aimed at YA audiences, then it’s merely adequate, but for adult audiences, it’s pretty frustrating. I read the book and loved its powerful message of compassion. I was hoping the movie—if handled correctly—would become an all-time classic that could rank alongside Full Metal Jacket or any other war movie, but no, it doesn’t even come close.

I guess I was asking for too much especially when Gavin Hood was the director. I wonder how much the dude got paid for this? The movie’s budget was around $100M, so conservatively, Gavin Hood would’ve got paid at least $5M for this movie.

With that money, he should pay off any mortgages and invest the rest of it wisely and enter an early retirement.

His Wolverine movie was fucking mediocre and now with Ender’s Game, it’s pretty clear the guy doesn’t have what it takes to handle big budget Hollywood movies.

ANY LAST THOUGHTS?
Gavin Hood, please stay the fuck away from adapting great books into movies. Actually, please leave Hollywood. Don’t fucking touch another film ever again.

As for me, I’m looking forward to another adaptation of Ender’s Game sometime in the future, if it ever happens.

I’m pretty sure I’m not invited to Gavin Hood’s Christmas party this year.

MY RATING OF ENDER’S GAME: 4 out of 10

Thanks for reading!

Feel free to follow me on Twitter:

Follow @Tuan_Ho444

Until next time, something wonderful awaits!

MOVIE REVIEW: Thor: The Dark World + FASHION REVIEW

Hi everyone! Here’s my very short review of Thor: The Dark World. Skip to the bottom for my one-off review of an outrageously revealing outfit by Jamie Alexander, one of the stars of the movie.

THOR: THE DARK WORLD

I’ll keep this short because there’s not much to discuss here because the movie is the definition of “passable, mindless entertainment”.

Here’s a quick rundown of what to expect:

— Chris Hemsworth shirtless
— cartoony one-dimensional villain and plot
— one of the most spectacular/beautiful funeral scenes in recent memory
— funny Stan Lee cameo
— flying boats

Thankfully, the movie doesn’t take itself too seriously and the pace moves along at a steady pace. It’s a fun movie, so if you’re looking for a movie to catch this weekend, this will probably do the job.

Note: There’s an extra scene midway through the closing credits and another one at the very end.

Now here’s what I really want to discuss: Jaimie Alexander‘s dress (rumored to be the next Wonder Woman)

She plays Sif in the Thor movies and this is what she wore to the premiere:

When I saw this, my jaw dropped. Holy smokes! WOW! WTF!

MOVIE REVIEW: Big Ass Spider!

Hi everyone! Here’s my review of the highly anticipated and game-changing Big Ass Spider! If you didn’t know, I also crowned this movie with having the Best Movie Poster of February 2013. Check it out for a reminder.

BIG ASS SPIDER!

WHAT’S IT ABOUT?
It’s about a big ass spider rampaging through LA, and Greg Grunberg’s a pest exterminator who tries to save the day—along with the help of Lombardo Boyar as a fucking hilarious security guard.

Lombardo Boyar and Greg Grunberg, about to do some exterminatin’.

IS THE MOVIE ANY GOOD?
Fuck yeah! Not just merely good, but it’s also a paradigm-changing event. Whoa! Your jaw just dropped didn’t it? Calm down, I’ll explain why.

IT’S A GAME CHANGER
This is the kind of movie that will inspire a whole generation of kids and teenagers—as well as middle-aged men and women going through a midlife crisis. Why? Because it gives them hope. Where am I going with this? Hang on, stay with me here. You’ll understand soon enough.